


Pass

by GalekhXigisi



Series: Faith [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x05 spoilers, Angst, Archangel Sam Winchester, Dreams and Nightmares, Mentioned Characters, Pagan God Sam Winchester, Sam Winchester is God, Series Spoilers, Trans Sam Winchester, mentioned being God-Cas-Gabriel and others
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-31 03:50:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21439756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalekhXigisi/pseuds/GalekhXigisi
Summary: Sam knows he has to die to kill Chuck
Relationships: Billie (Supernatural: Form and Void) & Sam Winchester, Castiel & Sam Winchester, Gabriel & Sam Winchester, Jack Kline & Sam Winchester
Series: Faith [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1517618
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	Pass

**Author's Note:**

> This probably won't make sense to anyone that hasn't read my He's Been The Definition Of Faith (Faith for short) series stuff, so, quick summary, Sam is the archangel Samael, who was born from Amara, technically, and also is the gods Thanatos and Hades, if I remember my own bullshit correctly. It's been a while since I've read my own series stuff, sorry. I promise I'm not done with it, I just haven't gotten around to editing it and continuing stuff, as I keep losing document like a FOOL. 
> 
> Sam is trans because I said so. He's also hella powerful and I promise you I am going to give Dean an equivalent once SPN finally ends so I can fuck with all the canon stuff. I will probably write to season 15, as I've already got a shit ton of things planned, so y'all can expect a shit ton more stuff. 
> 
> I have no idea how to sum up this stuff. Jack is Sam's biological kid, Cas' charge is Dean, and Sam is Gabriel's charge. Gabriel is also lowkey Sam's ex??? In an angelic marriage kind of way, I mean.

“How do we kill  _ God?” _

Sam wishes he could speak up to his brother, say what he thinks is true. However, his mouth feels like it’s been stuffed with dry, dirt clumped cotton. What was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to tell his brother  _ You’ve got to kill me _ after just saying that they couldn’t do that? How was he supposed to explain that this was the final chapter to a book that had been written up to for  _ thousands _ of years? How could he explain that this was something God had been playing into since the very fucking beginning? 

_ “You’re not at your full power,” _ Billie had mused in the dreams, her calm expression weighing on him as she reaped his soul, already delivering to something that sat in between death and life, not yet  _ The Empty, _ just a whole other place that Sam was sure meant he wasn’t actually dead.  _ “You haven’t been since the beginning.” _

He doubts he could ever get back to his full power, not until he finally got free of God’s control. He had no idea how he was supposed to harness his soul, how to finally fix  _ everything. _ He’d known for years and tapped into it thousands of times and yet… 

“I’m going to have to die,” he whispers to himself, ignoring the turn of the latest dreams. They had stopped correcting minor inconveniences for a rather long while now, more feeding into night terrors and the bigger of his fears that would inevitably play out, especially with Chuck pulling strings forever. From every single ending he’s seen, not a single one has managed to have God aware that Sam knows about his dreams, about what runs in the being’s mind, so Sam hopes that blessing stays in tact as long as he can get it to. 

“Cas,” he says softly, “I don’t know if you can hear me praying since you never really have before, but… Angel radio’s been rather…  _ dead,” _ he admits out loud. It feels like a punch to the gut at the realization. He runs his hands through his hair. “I’m saying this as both… as both your friend  _ and _ an angel of the lord…” His stomach churns as he admits that to someone outside of Gabriel, Michael, or Raphael. Shit, he thinks he could maybe add Jessica to that, but he isn’t sure. He never talked about it with Jack and Jack had gotten a perfectly human half instead of two archangel sides like Sam had originally thought he would. 

It takes Sam a couple of seconds to force himself to speak again, tears burning at his eyes. Why had it even hurt so bad to say so to the man that had become his best friend over the years? 

“I miss you, Cas, a lot. Dean says you just up and left… I don’t know what he means by that, but I’m pretty sure you’d be able to help out here if you’re willing. Jack’s still gone and  _ He’s _ still pulling the strings, like always, and even brought Lillith back to fuck with us.” He clears his throat, face dropping of any forced happiness always painted across it. “I really miss you, buddy. There’s… There’s a lot I’d love to tell you about when you get around to it.” 

Cas doesn’t, not for a while. Sam knew he wouldn’t, knew he wouldn’t get a reply for a hot minute. He hated to know Cas sort of played favorites, but he doesn’t blame him. Dean was his charge, after all, and Sam was Gabriel’s charge. Charges usually had to respond at some point and Gabriel clearly wasn’t if his millionth death were any sort of sample. Sam still prayed to the unreachable archangel, just like angels always did. 

Billie visits nightly, speaking through the dreams. She usually doesn’t like to interfere, but when God plays with Death instead of Amara or Samael, she doesn’t mind gifting the archangel with hints and spoilers just to spite the God she once called her own “master.” Her domain was shared with Samael. Amara, and Fate. Outside of that, she does her own thing, doesn’t let anyone interfere. God was overstepping and praying for his own war with the world and the world was ready to finally bite him back in the ass for the bullshit he had put everyone through. 

**Author's Note:**

> I want to fucking write out HBTDOF but it's gonna be literal hundred of thousands of words and I just haven't forced myself to be in that high of a level of intimacy with a fanfic, smh
> 
> Anyways, please leave comments!  
Here's my discord server!  
https://discord.gg/eGkwayy


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